I think it's slowly hitting me that you won't be around anymore.

I think it's because I finally slowly starting to get over being mad at you, and I'm starting to realise exactly how blank life seems without you to talk to every day and rant to and listen to your innane rubbish.

I mean, even if I couldn't be arsed with you, I still had you there if I needed to talk or just a comfort of someone who always seemed to be around who wanted my company and my attention.

I guess I was spoilt, having you around as long as I did. I mean, I'm finally beginning to understand what everyone else in this house feels like about the people they have behind. People they have a great time with but don't talk to every day, don't inform of their whole life.

It's kind of lonely, not having anyone to do that to; even when very little has been happening. I guess I just need to move on and embrace this new way; there are people around just not all the time.

Does it serve me right that the two people that 4 months ago were the most important people in my life and the ones who gave me the most happiness may now not actually talk to me again? Have I pushed them away by being a rubbish person? I thought I was sticking by good principles at the time, I had reasons. But was it worth cutting out those two such important people?

I was trying to get free for a while and now I am. I just need to remember that. That's the consolation in this thing. That's the reason it's worth this.