I am stronger than this.

I've been feeling so strange lately. I don't really know where I'm at right now anyway, I didn't think I was in trouble until I came back.

I knew there was definitely an issue, but I really think this time has given me the strength to tackle it...

But I'm also hating myself and feeling shit about everything right now to do with me. I  just fuck shit up. That's myself included. I don't think things through; and that's fine, as long as I cam deal with the fall out, but I can't right now. I am too weak.

I'm trying my hardest to be my strongest self; the one that is always helpful and doesn't give a shit about anything. But it's wearing thin for me here.

I know I can do this back there, but I don't want to wish my time here away, I want to enjoy myself and make the most of my time off. But I do also want to get right out of here so I can be back where I have the support I need for anything that can hit me.

I'm not feeling the most useful right now, and I'm just fucking useless. But I miss people being with me whilst I fuck up.

You guys are the best people I've ever known. I don't know how I've come to need/rely on/love you guys so much. But I already am finding it hard without you. Thank you, for absolutely everything.