It's been a really fucking hard several months

I've just had so much. My dad has been pulled to hospital for emergency surgery twice in 6 months, I've been spiralling back to a dark place, and I feel like I've lost everyone. 

I just miss sleep.

And my self respect.

And feeling any level of control on my life.

Trying to pull the things back that I can is proving harder than I thought. I'm not sure now much longer I can do this with any level of strength.

The stupid peripheral things have been getting me down, I'm feeling lower than I have in years. But it puts it all in perspective now.

Fuck this shit.

The important things are what matter. Focus.