Wednesday, 3 September 2014

I need to stop forming attachments so easily.

I also need to stop finding people annoying as easily.

I've somehow managed to land myself a decent sized friendship group from my first day here, yet two of them I can't stand and one of them I can put up with a little too much.

What is wrong with me?!

Why can't I just be light and easy, not get so close to people I've only known a week and also not let them get under my skin?!

Figures it'd be the English guy that would piss me off the most though. Hah.

Hopefully when lectures start I'll manage a new group of people. And hopefully I'll keep reasonably close to those I'd like to. Without encouraging my mind's imagination.

I also need to try and actually get enthusiastic about sports. Eurgh.

Friday, 29 August 2014

I guess I've moved forward again.

I haven't found myself attractive at all over the past 9 months in the slightest. Probably over.

It's been a point of my life where I do what I want, when I want to. There is no way I have to tell anyone or ask for allowance for any of that!

But since I've started feeling differently (maybe 2 weeks or so) about everything, I guess that was included.
All I know is that I've looked at myself for the past two days and it makes me glad I don't have a mirror in our room. I've looked terrible.

Friday, 11 July 2014

For there is so much to achieve

I am only now realising that everything is accessible to everyone. That any single person can decide "yes I will do this." That all people are responsible only to their own will.

I have held myself prisoner to my beliefs and others' for years; surely it is time to let them reign free?!

I will not apologise. I will not allow inconvenience to rule my being; I will not accept any form of disencouragement for anything someone has the spirit to involve themselves in; to whatever you want must you fly and to whatever draws you must you give.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Are you seriously kidding me.

A week ago you wanted nothing more to do with me and me you. We were arranging to meet up merely for me to be able to shout at you for behaving like an insensitive prick - or at least that's how I saw it - and I wasn't even sure if I was ready for that yet.
And now you're acting like everything's okay. Like we can behave the way we used to. Like the past three months didn't happen.

Like fuck you're going to be able to walk all over me again. It's tempting to let you, but I just need to remember how you've behaved. You should know I can't trust you any more. And this behaviour is just messing with my head.

Yes, I'd like it if we could go back to before. But there's no way in hell that's going to happen any more. And you saw to that. So seriously don't go looking for it again. I've moved on from that and my nostalgia will not let me fall into that trap again.

You treated me like nothing. And now that's all we are.
I need to remember that.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

The only reason I feel like a failure is because of you

I genuinely wouldn't have cared about results. I really didn't give a shit.

But I've seen them now and I realise how much of a disappointment I am

I'm fucking shit, Waste of time piece of crap.

I'm so sorry, I tried. I really did.

The whole thing left me drained,

And I wasn't good enough.

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

I am fucking loving life

Seriously, I may have been drinking, and be listening to beautiful music but I seriously have loved this year so far. And whilst I am completely ready for a new adventure I seriously want to make it clear how much I have loved tonight I guess.
Alex, you are amazing, Thank you so much for convincing me out tonight.
No matter what my dad says I'm applying for Nova Scotia and whether I regret it or not he can't try and control me with his "they're intolerant" bullshit. If it's true, I'll swallow my words but how can a UK university associate themselves with a place as racist as my dad is suggesting?! If it is the case then there is serious  reform to be done. If not I will hopefully be on my way to experience a different lifestyle.
I can see myself genuinely having  a good time there.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

The loneliness is starting to hit.

I loved last semester. Like really, really loved it. I'd felt closer to everyone here than I had since I'd met them and I was having all these amazing times and experiences constantly. It was amazing. I'm not sure how much happier I could have been. I'd made more friends and formed myself this close knit friendship circle I could actually rely on.

But everything has completely changed. And I saw it coming, I really did. That's why I was so reluctant to let it happen and I mentioned it so many times. I knew this would happen, despite all the reassurances otherwise.

I've lost my housemates. They're all coupled up or wrapping themselves back into other things. I've lost the guys in my life. Everyone's pulling away and busy with their own lives.

Being single last semester was amazing and the best thing. I didn't know how much I could enjoy it. But it's no fun when you're the only one left. It's no fun when you have to think about another person for every one of your mates.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

I can't believe you tried to use me to make her jealous.

I've already told you I'm not interested. I've also made it extremely clear whose side I'd be on if it came down to you and her.

She's not interested; you need to move on.

Yes, I act that way with other friends of mine but they are such different circumstances. I know for a fact that they are acting the way they are out of friendship; not to use me to turn me as a weapon or against other people close to me.

You're a good friend of mine and I have tried so hard to help you; but if you are genuinely going to act this way then I would genuinely rather deny any connection to you.

How fucking dare you act that way. It genuinely offends me. And I hope you understand me enough to realise why.