Friday, 11 January 2013

It's weird to think how much the break flipped everything.

When I left here I was so worried about how lonely it was going to be at home and I was even kind of dreading it. And now I'm lonely here, locked up in this room. I don't particularly want to talk anyone else here, I just feel so disconnected from them.

I didn't want to leave there in the slightest. Even more than I didn't want to leave here by far. I guess it just reminded me that even when I think there's nothing left for me back there, I can find something. Whereas here, I was labouring under a misapprehension that I mattered. It was completely ridiculous.

I'd rather be there than here any day. And I realise now that I always will.

I don't know whether you mean it or not anymore.

I mean, you tell me one thing and you tell her something completely different. I can't believe I almost got sucked in again.

The problem is that it was all your idea. YOURS! I was perfectly happy the way it was, I was well into moving on. Then you came along and put all these ideas into my head.

And I thought you really MEANT it. I really did. I thought you were being genuine and the way you used to be. But then when you say something so incredibly different to her, it makes me wonder.

It makes me feel pretty used to be totally honest. Thanks a lot for that. There I was spending the past few days with only the thought of you being there for me and actually caring because who else is there, and the whole time you were going around thinking things like that?!

I don't really know what to think about this any more. I really don't. I had come to terms with it before and now I actually don't want to give up, you're treating it like a fucking joke! I just don't get it. Why can't you just be straight about whatever?

Well I'm glad you got laid. Guess I'd better back off now before the same thing happens all over again, eh?

You never know, maybe you'll end each others' 'dry spells'. Have fucking fun with that.