Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Maybe there is more to this than I thought.

After first dreaming wishing the incident hadn't happened and that I would forget it, I spend the next night dreaming about him hitting on me and kissing me. What the hell?!

Although I have to admit he also hit on her, too. So really I was thinking of him as the one with no discrimination rather than her. Which I guess is just my mind's way to stop being mad at her. Even though she hasn't exactly done anything to make me not want to believe a lot of it was her. She was straddling him for god's sake!

I guess it's going to take a little while for me to get over. I'm not sure if it was one more straw that broke the camel's back or just a really really heavy straw. It's something I don't think I'll really grasp for a while. Maybe denial, maybe it means opening doors I never thought I'd open and so I have to find them first.

There are a lot of metaphors here.

I think seeing them apart and neither of them talking about the other will be what I need. I can slowly just pack it away in that good old box of stuff I just don't think about. It's not like my no regrets thing because at the end of the day it's not my regret to have. Except maybe introducing them. I guess I'm going to have to work on not regretting that one.

I'll have to think of it in terms of how it's helped me. In any way. Although I don't think it can help me until I finally deal with how I feel about it. And I might put that one off for a while.

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