Sunday, 7 February 2016

I think I needed some time alone without realising it.

I've spent so much of my life busy and out and about and with other people that I think I momentarily forgot how to be with myself. I've spent such a majority of my time lately with people who I get on with and care about me; I got lonely fast.

This bit of time is good, it reminds me of who I am and doesn't let me get sucked into all the bullshit. I know what I want and I know what makes me happy. Funnily enough, it's this. I've been on a steady path of losing that since this summer. But I can remember it. Be stronger again.

I like my own company. I like time by myself. I like to enjoy things on my own. I don't need company every second of the day. It tires me.

Now hopefully I can cut out this bullshit making everything far more complicated than it needs to be. I am me. I am exceptionally happy right now. I have a whole group of amazing people in both places I live that not only enjoy my company but seem to genuinely care for me. I appreciate that so much. It's something at one point in my life I really never thought I'd have. This is all I have ever wanted.

That other crap just happened because I got sucked into what other people were doing and wanted and what made them happy. I do not need to overcomplicate anything.

I am self fucking dependent if I need to be. I can take care of myself. I do not NEED them but I can appreciate them with everything I have whilst they're here. I need to remember that.

I also need to remember what this feels like to get me through whatever happens after this is over.

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