Wednesday, 21 March 2012

One a day.

My new aim. Get something out every day that I've wanted to say.

Today? I have two. They're kind of interlinked.

On a serious note, I haven't regressed since Saturday. Maybe it's because the last one was so big and obvious, or maybe it's because it's actually helping. The urges have been more fleeting, less long lasting. I don't know why exactly it is, but I have a terrible feeling I know. And it shouldn't be.
Well, it's not that bad. But it does not bode well for me. I need to be careful and whatnot.

But I can't base 'recovery' on you being here for me. Because right now it feels wonderful, not only that you care but how close it feels like we're getting. But if/when you lose interest again, I might go right back to where I was. No, I'll be worse.
Ugh I really don't want to be reliant on you. But I don't know why you're having such an influence on this when two people I'm fairly sure are far less likely to leave me didn't seem to quite be making a difference. Well, clearly not hence Saturday.

And you're being so out of character these past few days. In a good way, for me. But I'm not quite sure where this is leading. I wish I had a view into your head. You're so inward with what you're thinking, it's hard to know... I've been getting a few snippets these past few days and it's really nice, but what do I take from them? And how long will they last?

But for now, you're helping. And whilst I don't really want to stop, I know I should. So I should appreciate what you're doing for me whilst it's for the best, and deal with the consequences when they happen.

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