Sunday, 18 September 2011

I don't know whether trusting you is worth it.

There's so many reasons for me to trust you. You haven't given me any reason not to, anyway. Not that I know of. Though I guess I wouldn't...
And I know we have a great time together. I get on better with you than most people I know. And that's strange because I've only known you a week.
You seem to genuinely enjoy spending time with me. It's something new.

But then again, the speed with which you've fallen for me is a reminder of how quickly you could forget me. Doesn't it show how quickly you can move from person to person, feeling to feeling?
Not to forget your past. Your list is long. Very long. And mine is non-existent.
You have a reputation of moving on fast. I know you told me not to listen, but how can I not? And whatever your reasons are, I don't think this particular aspect is a lie. It's no secret that you don't do long term. It's also no secret that you like to be with someone. I refuse to be just another name on your list.
And maybe you say that you really like me. But you really liked all of the others at some point. For you, really liking something can be easy and temporary; for me it's hard and long-lasting. For a few years my motto has been 'never be more involved than the other person'. I don't think I am right now, but what if I become it? What if I end up becoming far too wrapped up in you?
If I let my guard down, there's a risk of it. A high chance; I know how I get.

After that first night, I already planned my speech for you if you tried again. I didn't want to be with anyone. I wasn't looking for that. Shouldn't I stick with my instincts?
But then again, I didn't know you as well then. I didn't enjoy your company so much. You weren't spending your own time to walk home with me, even though it made your journey so much longer. Something tells me that if I tell you I don't want anything, you'll stop and won't want to spend so much time with me. And I genuinely do enjoy spending time with you. But I'm fairly sure you'll be looking for someone else to be something more than friends with. How am I to know you're not acting like this with someone else, even right now?
Isn't there the potential, though? The potential for something really good, even if it's just for a month or two? Isn't it about time I experienced this? I've been told all my life that it's worth it, surely it must be?

I guess I just need more time to tell.

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