Monday, 19 September 2011

I realise now that you're the new him.

I know it's making parallels in my own life that aren't strictly true, but I can see it so clearly right now.
It's like the cycle all over again, and knowing you, I'm going to end up hurt.
For three months we were each other's everything. And yes, I'm not even going to deny it; I was the best goddamn friend he's had! The people he's surrounded himself with are liars and cheaters and just genuine idiots, they don't respect him at all and in their way, it's changed him. I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again. I miss the old him. But there's nothing I can do about it now. He likes who he is and he's somewhat happy with his friendships.
But I can't go around just knowing a few people, I'm one who needs a close friendship. I need to know I have someone to talk to when I'm feeling like crap, not some people who I can go sit with on a good day. You can. You do. It's how you work. And I'm fairly sure, just like him, in a month or so, you will be over this thing and you will move on. It's probably not worth your while not to anyway.
I spent the entire weekend trying to work out if you were worth letting my guard down, starting to trust.
I realise now that I don't feel like you are. I don't think anyone is. I guess I'm pretty cynical. You said yourself that I shouldn't base my trusts now on what happened in the past, but I can't help it. I don't know if I'll find anyone worth the trust anymore. And that's my own issue. But today really sort of brought it home for me.
Yes, okay it's a little overreaction for what happened, but any time anything like this happens again, no matter how small, I'm most likely going to respond like this. And I can't help it. So you should probably just walk away now before it gets any worse for either of us.
Oh, and I'm rethinking London. I guess we'll see on Wednesday.

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